The infamous "Bitch Poem"
      
      Ahhh Women...
      Everyday I give thanks to the Goddess
      I have two mounds upon my bodice
      I shave my legs, I sit down to pee
      I can justify any shopping spree
      Not to a barber, but a beauty salon
      Can get a massage without a hard on
      Can balance the checkbook, pump my own gas
      Can talk to my friends about the size of my ass
      I always save money by using coupons
      Can admit to others when I am wrong
      Don't drive in circles at any cost
      So I don't have to admit when I am lost
      Don't act like I'm in a timed marathon
      Every time I go to the john
      Let me tell you men
      Listen to me boys
      Those things in your pants
      That you treat as toys
      You love them more then we ever will
      We would rather suck on a cold pickled dill
      I spend two hours preparing for a date
      Only to find you're two hours late
      I don't watch movies with lots of gore
      Don't need instant replay to remember the score
      I won't lose my hair
      I don't get jock itch
      And just cause I'm assertive
      Don't call me a bitch
      I don't wear the same underwear everyday
      The food in my fridge has no sign of decay
      I don't go to Sears
      To look at the tools
      I don't cheat at poker
      I follow the rules
      I don't smoke cigars
      Don't pay for drinks at bars
      I don't punch my friends just to say "Hi"
      And it's o.k. for me to cry
      I know all you men
      Think that you're "IT"
      But compared to a woman